You might start out an evil rat-dude, turn into a good guy, get eaten by a ghost and get a new character, and then have that morally-ambiguous dwarf get transformed into a toad because frankly, the dice hate you.īut even if the dice love you, you would still probably hate this stupid, stupid game. Throw in some Licorice Bandits and the Caramel Creeper, make the entire game a random dice-fest with virtually no purpose or direction, remove nearly every single opportunity for decision-making from the game, and you have Talisman.Įvery player gets a character (at random, because starting by letting you make a decision would set a dangerous precedent), and then you all wander around circular trails, encountering monsters and rolling dice and having virtually no control at all over the outcome of the game. Only you want to make it an adventure game, so you let the players move forward and backward, and every time they land on Gumdrop Grove they can add some fat-ass points. So that you can understand the way you play Talisman, let’s say you want to play Candyland. After all, Apples to Apples sold a million copies, so standards for someone are obviously very low. For others (like me), it would indicate that there are an awful lot of people who have absolutely no common sense. For some people, that would indicate that it is obviously a brilliant game. I have to be specific because – I am not making this up – people have made four different editions of Talisman. The only possible explanation I can find is that these people are the same people who spend days on end making supplementary material for HeroQuest when that game is actually only fun the first three times you play it, because when they were in junior high they blew an entire weekend on it and they’re trying to recapture the innocence of wondering why they didn’t get asked to Sadie Hawkins.įor the sake of clarity here, I’m reviewing the third edition of this ridiculously stupid game. Nobody tries to recapture the greatness of Candyland, and Talisman is only marginally more interesting than Candyland. The crazy thing is, I hear a lot of good buzz for Talisman. Because if I was nine years old, I would be stupid. If I were a child, if I still thought girls were gross and could actually sit through an episode of Thundercats without laughing at the retarded voiceovers, I would think Talisman was the most amazing game on the planet. Remember when you were like nine years old, and you had your FAVORITEST GAME EVER, and you played it until it was falling apart? And then twenty years later, you pulled that game out of the closet, sweet nostalgia rushing over you like a waterfall of good will and joy, only to discover that stuff that appeals to fourth-graders tends to fall a little flat with adults?
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